“Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent interest in sexual activity.” –Wiki
Ever since High-School ended a mere 6 years ago, my social media feed has been polluted with ever growing baby pictures, new formed couples, and couples uniting into this special ‘next-level bond’ we call marriage. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m in no shape, way, or form against all of the romance, it just doesn’t appeal to me. People refer to their pregnancy as a gift, I view it as the most torturous thing an individual would willingly push their body to go through, but I digress. (Mad respect to all you mothers, you guys are troopers!)
With that influx of baby-booms and wedding-preps on my newsfeed, comes the awkward congratulating of those long-distance friends I’ve barely acquainted with since High-School… And along the replies you get back, here comes that dreaded, obnoxious question they always ask: So, who’s the lucky guy? When you planning on starting your own family?
SCRRREEEECCCCCCCH!! Hold the f*** up… What made YOU believe I had getting hitched and reproducing mass amounts of offspring as a life plan? And once again, I don’t mean that in a bad way, that whole route just isn’t for me. But with those sweet, naive and innocent phrases, the true question became it’s own problem; why am I not even bothered with relationships?
I looked back on my upbringing and realized, guys just never really got interested by me growing up, I was the tomboy bestfriend that wrestled with them and would punch them in the groin. ‘Cause that’s what boys do, but I’m a girl; I guess that’s where that detachment started forming. It also probably didn’t help that I was a bit overweight, and not the prettiest girl on the block. To be honest, I was actually pretty gender confused. My mom always jokingly said I’d probably turn out to be Lesbian, but that didn’t turn out to be the case.
Fast-forward a few years from those pictures to Sophomore year of High-School, 10:15 a.m in Mr. Denato’s Biology class. We open up our books to read about plant cells and certain organisms who reproduce A-sexually. The term stuck. I remember leaving class that day and from that day on, I would jokingly tell people I was Asexual: like a plant! I didn’t need anyone to complete me, I was capable of ‘reproducing’ on my own. To a certain degree I knew that’s how I identified, but just like any other kid my age, I figured it would be just a phase.People shrugged it off and never put much thought into it, and to be fair, neither did I, really.
I would go on after High-School to lose an immense amount of weight because guys were still not attracted to me, and I wanted to fit in with everyone and be in my very first relationship. I got into my first relationship when I was 19, but I received my first kiss when I was 16, and had my first intercourse near the end 17. I was a late bloomer in all senses, which lead me to believe I was simply developing at a slower pace than all my friends. Got skinny, got attractive, got a relationship, engaged in the coitus… Still wasn’t interested in pursuing anyone. So, now what?
I first passed it off as being shallow due to my new found confidence in regards to my weight-loss, and then started telling people I just wasn’t ready for a new relationship since my first and only actual relationship had messed me up pretty heavily. And as time went on, guy friends started noticing me and gaining interest, and mind you, a lot of these guys are people that were too cool and attractive to associate with me back in High-School. And yet, I was the one turning them all down. I just wasn’t on the same page as them and didn’t want to waste their time. Did I lose great people I loved down to their very core fiber? Yes. Do I regret losing these people? Of course. Would I have faked a relationship in order to still have them around? Absolutely not. The pattern became extremely prominent, and as I’m typing this, age 24, I finally come to terms with my true and actual sexuality: Asexual.
A few months back as I was browsing various webpages, I stumbled across this blog about Asexuality, and of course it peeked my interest. All I could think about was how I had related with that term back in High-School… But had never really thought more of until that time. And as I was sitting there reading over the article, realizing that this is an actual situation that a lot of people are dealing with. It’s not just some textbook definition of how plants reproduce; Asexuality is an actual sexual orientation. A connection finally breached within my brain, and I finally actually had the key to myself and everything that is me.
People may not understand my orientation or really consider it a thing, and I may get judged and be referred to as a prude and unjustly be repeatedly told that I “just haven’t found the right guy yet”; but no matter what I know who I am, and that’s all that really matters.
If you’re faced with the same situation, know that there are a lot of people out there like you, you are not alone, and no matter what… You are NORMAL, simply different. And that’s totally OKAY. There’s many resources out there for you, communities to join and people to associate with that know exactly how you feel. Don’t ever feel bad about marching to your own beat, you’re not alone. Things will make sense some day, don’t stress yourself out over what others may want out of life for you.